


Underneath These Festive Lights

by HypersomniacGrad



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, and kara is an oblivious bi mess, it's a holiday fic, lolsen is on thin ice at the start, with angst!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-14
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-09-18 00:34:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16984770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HypersomniacGrad/pseuds/HypersomniacGrad
Summary: Kara Danvers loves Christmas. But this year, something's weighing her down and giving her the holiday blues. Sometimes she thinks it's her double life, but her friends and family think it's got something to do with a certain CEO with the Luthor name.





	1. Season's Greetings from the Kent Farm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, considering this is a Supergirl fic, you'd think it'll start out with Kara's POV, but for some reason I'm starting it with Clark (and Lois). I haven't been watching the show since the lackluster latter half of season 2 but I still catch up with the story lines based on tumblr posts. Anyways, I thought of a Supercorp holigay fic with just the right amount of angst on my bus ride home today… it's about 10 chapters, bear with me, and will start off (kinda) from the end of the Elseworlds crossover, though I am taking liberties. To be clear, Kara is in this chapter. Hope you guys appreciate this short little fic!
> 
> As always, your comments and reviews are always appreciated. I always love hearing your thoughts, hypothesis on the plot, and ideas.

"I still can't believe it." Kara said beaming as she leaned over the railings of the front deck of the Kent farm's main house. Crisis averted, big news shared, and dinner consumed, Clark found himself with his cousin stargazing, surrounded by the peace and quiet he's come to associate with Smallville. "To be clear, I'll be earth's protector for a year?" she then asked, pertaining to the earlier news about him and Lois leaving for Argo City once her pregnancy comes further along to support their child's birth and development.

"Maybe a year and a few months. Just to be safe. We'll still be around the holidays, kind of finalize a few things we'll be leaving behind and all." Clark then replied. It wasn't like Ma Kent didn't have the experience of raising a "super" baby, but Clark figured, it would be a good way to monitor that everything's gonna be okay with his own half-Kryptonian and half-human child.

"Don't worry." Kara then said. It was as if she had just read his mind. Clark chuckled, in terms of earth years, he was older than she was. He had gotten so used to it that he's forgotten that Kara was supposed to be the one taking care of him, that she was actually the older cousin. It was during moments like the one they were having that he felt that to be true.

That and in moments of peril and crisis. When the fate of the whole world hangs in the balance, Kara always steps up and makes what felt like an impossible choice to him.

"I'm not." Clark replied with a smile on his face. "Especially since I'm leaving this place in capable hands. I meant what I said earlier Kara, you're better than me without a doubt. I might have been doing the whole superhero gig longer but you, oh man, I've got so much to learn from you."

Kara shook her head and laughed. "Alright, I get it, you need to butter me up for this."

"I meant it." Clark then replied. "You were able to sacrifice being with someone you loved when the Daxamites invaded earth and you were ready to sacrifice yourself, knowing you would die, with destiny having been written as so, if you and Barry attempted to do what ended up doing anyways and stopped the earth from moving to save the day and reality as we know it."

"Kal, we both know you would've done the same thing." Kara noted. "Besides, I believe that the future is a blank page, and that we write our own destiny, our future."

"Maybe you're right. Though to be clear, I don't think I would have done it with the knowledge of Lois pregnant." Clark admitted to himself. "Hey, I mean, I wasn't even ready to see you sacrifice yourself like that. You leave me in awe of you."

Kara shook her head in response. Clark wasn't sure if it was to try and hide the blush on her cheeks from his compliments or if she just truly didn't believe that she deserved what he said. "I guess if that were my case things would be different. It's not like I'm having a family like you though. And even if, still given the same choices to make the hero's sacrifice like that, I guess whatever it is that's stopping me can easily be whisked away by one question: What kind of world would I leave behind for the people I loved if I didn't know how to make the sacrifice? I don't think I'll be able to live knowing that they're suffering because I chose not to do something that I can."

"See, that's what I meant. Twice now you've proven me wrong." Clark replied. "Sacrificing someone she loved and yourself for the people you love. Don't get me wrong, if it comes to the wire, I'll gladly give up my life for Lois and for the future of the world she'll live in, just like you said. I might not just be as ready to jump into action as you."

Kara leaned back on the railing. "You give me too much credit when I learned a thing or two of my heroics from you." she replied. "Although you're not technically wrong, you know? I don't think I'd be able to sacrifice Alex or ever seeing her again if a situation like that presented itself. Hell, I can't do that to Lena either." she added, her eyes cast down as she crossed her arms.

Kara took in a deep breath, losing herself deep in her own thoughts that Clark couldn't help but think there was something more to that comment.

Alex, he got why. But Lena Luthor?

He knew they were best friends, and with the amount of times Lena saved the world, he knew that she was far from being her brother.

But Clark just couldn't help but notice the hidden sentiment behind what Kara had said. A sentiment that Kara herself didn't seem to know either.

"What?" Kara then asked as she looked back at Clark.

"Nothing." Clark replied with a smile just as Kara's phone started to ring.

Kara fetched for her phone from her pocket. One look at the caller had Kara's brows furrowed together. She took a deep breath and sent it to voicemail before leaning back on the railing.

"Everything okay?" Clark asked, surprised to see Kara's reaction, especially since a quick glance on her phone screen told him it was James who was calling.

"Yeah, no everything's good." Kara replied unconvincingly. "It's just really weird to be in between two of your friends fighting, you know? Especially when they're supposedly dating."

"Oh, I think I know the feeling." Clark heard Lois say as she joined them coming out from the house. "He dated and was actually engaged to my sister, remember?"

"Right." Kara replied, hiding her face in her hands. "It's just, I don't want to have to deal with it, you know?"

"What's Jimmy done?" Lois asked, all knowingly.

"Ah, I think I know the answer to that. He had a fight with Lena, correct?" Clark replied, turning to Kara to confirm things and Kara nodded.

"He's just calling to ask me all the ways he could get Lena to talk to him again since he's current attempts are failing him." Kara then grumbled, her eyes shifting about. Clark turned to Lois who, in turn, was currently studying Kara's reactions like a hawk.

"Mhmm. Well, if you need us for anything, you know we're here for you Kara." Lois then replied.

Kara nodded and smiled. "I should probably go." she said, making some excuse about how she should probably check on her own city and her friends. She's been away too long.

Somehow Clark knew that Kara probably wanted to fly around and clear her head about a certain little thing bugging her.

The crinkle gave all her inner turmoil away.

Clark nodded and gave her cousin a hug goodbye. He watched as Lois gave Kara a hug as well just before she took off, up, up and away to the skies.

"So," Lois said as she wrapped her arms around him, the two of them still looking up to where Kara had just disappeared into the night, "ten bucks says she's actually in love with the Luthor girl."

Clark laughed. "I was starting to wonder the same. Honestly, if it wasn't from an earlier comment she made, I'd have mistakenly though her crush on Jimmy's back."

This time it was Lois who laughed. "You can't bet on the same thing I'm betting on, Smallville." she noted. "But you are okay with it, right?"

"I don't even know how Lena Luthor would react. But from what I see, she cares a lot for Kara and Supergirl. Although Kara said she might've burnt the Supergirl bridge?"

"Oh." Lois then said. "She doesn't know, does she?"

"Hmmmm, no. Lena's smart enough to figure it out on her own if she wanted to, but I don't think she does." Clark replied, deep at thought once more. "At the end of the day, it doesn't really matter whether she knows or not. It will, someday. My main worry now is Kara. I don't want to get hurt in all of this."

"Well, we could tell Ms. Luthor to dump Jimmy. I have long list of reasons why." Lois teased making Clark chuckle.

"Or we could just watch things unfold. Kara's right, we right our own destinies. And if one day she realizes she wants to be with Lena, and Lena realizes it too, well, then I don't think anything can stop that." he replied. "Just promise me you won't meddle."

"How on earth would I meddle, Smallville?" Lois replied. "I don't think Lena Luthor takes kindly to reporters other than your cousin. Besides, I have a feeling that things will all turn out alright."

Clark simply shook his head and smiled, sending out his silent wishes to Rao or whoever it was watching over them to protect Kara's heart. "I hope so, Lois. I hope so. Kara deserves to be happy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it for now folks! Chapters would be around this length, except for one or two lengthier ones. I hope you enjoy this little ride. This is a holiday fic, so events shall culminate around Xmas time ;) We'll start focusing with Alex, Kara, and Lena's POVs the coming chapters, but Clark will pop-up again sometime later :D


	2. Kara's Case of the Holiday Blues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Here's chapter 2! It's Kara's POV. Enjoy.

With so much weighing down on her, Kara wasn't really feeling the holiday cheer. She wasn't quite sure what to do and it's made her all sort of fidgety for the whole week either. Not having the support of the DEO or the government for that matter with being Supergirl was one thing, and her work at Catco another. The balance between being Supergirl and being Kara Danvers was always a delicate one for her. There were times when she wished she could only be one or the other, times when she tried to forget the double life. But being Supergirl, beloved hero of National City, and Kara Danvers, ace reporter was both part of she was as Kara Zor-El. With all of the fallout thanks to the past activities of the Children of Liberty and the exposure of the former president as an alien, she felt like she was being made to give up one over the other.

Sure, she still patrolled the skies. Her cousin, after all, operated outside of the government himself. She knew it was possible. She just got so used to having the full support of Alex and the DEO behind her. Her work was also keeping her busy, what with the holidays coming up, Catco buzzing with life with its upcoming holiday party, and with all the excitement surrounding L-Corp's own holiday gala happening in a few days' time.

Yet here she was, standing outside James' office as she watched Lena and James talk for the first time in weeks after their fight over Thanksgiving, her mind preoccupied with thoughts all tangled up in a jumbled mess. All she knew was whatever was happening with her, she felt like she was being torn apart.

She chalked it up to her Supergirl dilemma. True, she felt stressed out with the fight between James and Lena, what with both of them venting out to her in one way, shape, or form. She felt the weight of their rather fragile relationship on her shoulders. James would constantly talk, flipping back and forth between asking for her help and trying to convince her-slash-himself that he was right, that Lena was wrong, and that Kara should back him up on it that it's making Kara want to bash her head against the wall just so that she doesn't have to hear him complain anymore. Lena, on the other hand, brushed off any topic regarding James but Kara could see the unspoken turmoil within her caused by the lingering effects of the things James had said and implied and possibly meant.

Kara's head was starting to ache as she watched thee two try to be civil. The air was still tense between them but they looked like they were on the mend. She should really be happy, she didn't feel like either of them would start to fight for custody over who keeps Kara Danvers as a friend, but instead she still felt weighted down by it all.

Perhaps it's because Kara knew that there was another fight just waiting around the corner between the two. Or perhaps it's because lately she's been having opinions that she was struggling so hard to keep to herself about their relationship.

About how Lena deserved better and that she should end things with James.

About how James just didn't deserve Lena, and that she was starting to see why tings never worked between him and her, and even between him and Lucy.

About how the relationship was nothing but a disaster waiting to happen.

But she kept her mouth shut and listened to Lena whenever she would talk about James, whenever things were good between them, and listen to the silence that Lena chose to surround herself when things were bad. She didn't say anything as she watched Lena busy herself with trying to make this relationship work, with letting her have something that wasn't an actual broken relationship in her life. She didn't want things to come out wrong, after all. Kara wanted Lena to be happy, and she seemed to be just that, when things between her and James were good.

And she never said anything to James either, knowing deep down inside that James was a good guy. Misguided sometimes in his thought process, sure, but good nonetheless. After all, there was something about him that Kara liked, that she saw as a potential for a relationship in the past.

"Kara." she heard Lena say, her tone as soft as always. Kara snapped back from her thoughts to look up and find the CEO marching out of James' office. "What are you doing standing there? Do you need something from me or…?"

"N-no. Uh, just… you know, what? It's been a while since we grabbed lunch. Let's grab lunch, you know? If you're free?" Kara found herself mumbling. It wasn't exactly false, Lena's been a whole lot busy lately and she's been running around with all her Kara-sized and Supergirl-sized problems. She missed her.

Lena chuckled, shook her head and smiled. "Let me tell Eve to clear off my schedule for the afternoon." she replied before turning to look for her assistant.

_Rao_ , she really missed her.

Just as the simple lines of a carefree smile finally graced Kara's lips for the first time in days, Kara looked up to find James sending her a pleading cutesy look. He didn't need to say anything, Kara knew what he was silently asking for.

And there went the smile.

Kara took a deep breath and sighed, nodding, caving in.

She figured that helping her friends, she could eventually find something she's actually happy about for what was supposed to be her favorite earth holiday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have two main parties in this fic folks, as mentioned above, and quite a few balcony scenes. But before that, we get Alex's chapter and her musings!


	3. Alex's Mission of Holiday Cheer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here's Alex POV! How have you guys been enjoying the fic so far? Sound off in the comments and let me know!

"And I just… when did he become so… ugh!?" Kara vented on and on, stomping back and forth in her apartment, mouth full of her eighth order of potstickers from their Chinese take-out. Kara was fuming for the last past hour, and Alex was the thoughtful sister eating her single order of Kung Pao chicken, nodding along, and glancing at Brainy every five minutes as he tried to figure out what he was doing with the Christmas tree, muttering things to himself.

With everything happening at National City, the traditional Danvers sisters Christmas tree decoration night had been put on hold until that night. As for Brainy, well, Winn started to help them with the tree since about two years ago. With Winn gone, Alex figured they'd settle with Brainy as a replacement. Besides, someone had to teach Brainy the holiday spirit. Literally. As much as he understood the concept of Christmas, he couldn't understand why Christmas was such a big deal or what holiday spirit is about to begin with.

But they weren't exactly spreading the cheer at the moment, with Kara letting her and Brainy in her apartment an hour earlier with ten take out bags of Chinese food, mostly potstickers, and looking like she's about to bite someone's head off.

In this case, James.

James who Kara promised help to win Lena back.

James who actually followed Kara's instructions to the tee with the date she planned for Lena based on what she knew the CEO would like.

James who apparently complained a lot regarding all the things he needed to prepare for this picnic date at the most beautiful clearing in the national park just outside National City that Kara had found, including getting Lena's favorite meal, plumerias, and convincing the park rangers to let them be there late at night, after the park had closed, to give them the privacy.

Kara recounted how James argued that she should give him a hand, her experience as Cat Grant's assistant a handy thing to get things done.

"I'm not his assistant, Alex!" Kara huffed, still shoving potstickers in her mouth as Alex simply followed her with her eyes, sipping on her beer.

The date was that night, a surprise for Lena. Eve helped make sure that her schedule was free and that she would give James the time of day, what with James convincing his former assistant this would make Lena happy. Alex had always thought that happiness was something that Kara wanted for her best friend, hence why she was incredibly confused at the moment as to what was stressing Kara out so much, why she was so unhappy.

Was it James?

Was it Lena?

Alex was so confused.

Because shouldn't Kara be happy the things between Lena and James could potentially be fixed, things settled, everyone happy?

Shouldn't Kara be happy with that?

Because Alex could see she wasn't. She was mad, she looked torn, hurt even, as a mix of different emotions flash through her eyes.

Granted, Alex liked James enough. Sure, there were a few things she never agreed with him, but he was one of their friends. Lena too. More and more each day, Alex starts to see the things that Kara instantly saw in inside of her all along. Things that her cursed last name hide and bury.

Kara was still going on and on incoherently this time, regret showing in her tone. More and more Alex could see that she didn't want to help James at all, but selfless Kara, the one who wears her heart on her sleeves, wanted Lena to be happy and feel loved. She wanted to be a good friend to James.

"Boxes." Brainy then said to Alex as he joined him in the couch, all tangled up with the Christmas lights, having given up hope that he could figure out a way to untangle himself.

"What?" Alex then asked, lost in the meaning of what Brainy just said.

"I believe Kara is doing the same thing Ms. Luthor, Lena, does. Imaginary boxes for feelings and things she didn't not want to deal with. I though that should have been obvious."

"Kara's shoving things down in imaginary boxes…" Alex said, initially wanting to ask Brainy a question, but slowly realizing what was right in front of her all along.

"Boxes." Alex then replied nodding, finally seeing Kara's broken heart in its entirety out in display.

Not for James who, for a brief second, Alex thought Kara might still have feelings for.

Not for her friends who Alex thought Kara might just be thinking shouldn't be together because they're not a good much – although that's what she's probably convincing herself at the moment.

But for Lena Kieran Luthor.

And it should have been clear for Alex from the start, if not clouded by the mess of Daxamites, and threats from other earths, and the future threatened by the reign of Kryptonian creation.

If it wasn't for the threat to her secret identities and the lives of the people she loved.

Of the person she loved and wanted to protect the most.

The one she couldn't ever give up.

So, she's unknowingly setting her free.

Possibly to someone who isn't close enough to be second best but Kara trusted enough.

"Christmas shouldn't be about boxes." Alex then noted to Brainy.

No, the holidays shouldn't be about shoving feelings down boxes.

But come what may, holidays is about family.

And Alex would be damned if she let this go on any further.

It will hurt, Alex only knew to well. It would hurt like Kara would be cracked open, especially since she has no idea of what's happening with Lena, but she had to help her sister see the truth of what's right in front of her.

And no matter what the outcome was, she would be there for Kara.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is the charity gala Kara mentioned above. So, expect a jealous Kara and a more active Alex trying to point out the obvious to the oblivious.


	4. Kara's Not-So-Silent Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here is chapter 4 with the first holiday party at L-Corp. I did say angst, right?

Kara always believed that a party was a set of shining shimmering moments, linked together by music, merriment, and the glittering lights above them. There was a sense magic to it, an enchantment to enthrall of the guests to relax and let loose. In this case, to loosen their purse strings for the L-Corp holiday gala in benefit of the new wing at National City Children's Hospital.

Kara should be happy, chatting with some of her coworkers at Catco, and stuffing her face with potstickers because of course Lena has them catered just for Kara. But she wasn't. Instead, she felt like someone possibly stronger than her or Kal-El had sucker-punched her right in the stomach. Instead, Kara was standing, leaning on one of the pillars that lined L-Corp plaza and held the second-floor balconies peering down on them from L-Corp's main building. Instead she was staring across the plaza, past all the mix of familiar and unfamiliar faces, with Alex, her only choice for a plus one, just watching her curiously.

And Kara hates herself a little for it. Because she could feel it, the misery crawling underneath her skin and sinking into the depths of her bones. Her plan had worked, James and Lena were actually talking, were both smiling at each other. Lena's hand kept reaching out to touch James on his arms, once in a while as they spoke. Then there was some random guy the two had ended up talking to that pointed out they were standing underneath a mistletoe, cheering the two to go on and kiss.

Kara felt like she was about to get sick. Her stomach was doing flip flops, and not in the good fuzzy warm feeling kind of way. Nope. It was very much in a nauseous, I think I might have food poisoning or the flu kind of way. And she doesn't know why.

She can't understand why.

She didn't feel much of anything but cold and dead inside, something tearing up inside her that she couldn't figure out. She felt like these emotions were familiar, she felt them before, but not in this way, no. And not this intense.

Alex cleared her thoughts, giving Kara the perfect reason to look away just as Lena was about to kiss James and shift her attention to her sister, who in turn, was quirking an eyebrow at her, looking at Kara suspiciously. "What?" she asked Alex as a response.

"So, I just want to make sure. Work with me here Kara. Who is it?" Alex responded with a question of her own.

"Who's what?" Kara repeated, prompting Alex to sigh.

"Are you jealous of her being with him?" Alex then replied, nodding towards James and Lena just as Lena pulled away from the kiss. "Or are you jealous of him being with her?"

"I…" Kara started to say, but no other words would follow. "W-what?" she then said rather nervously, asking Alex if she heard her correctly. "Who-why-who-what? Why would I be jealous of anyone? I'm not jealous. There's nothing to be jealous about." Kara rambled on.

What was Alex even thinking? Why would she even think that Kara was being jealous of anything?

"Oh, Kara." Alex replied, shaking her head.

"L-look, I just… I worry, okay? That's just it. James is James, and Lena, well, she's my best friend. Alex, I… I don't want her hurt. I don't want her to feel unloved or unwanted or judged because she's a Luthor or anymore of that nonsense a-and maybe, well, maybe I just don't James is that person. I don't think he's fully gotten over his prejudices about Lena because of her family. I just want to protect her, that's all."

"Kara…" Alex then said, trying to calm her down and get her to listen to her.

"Or, you know, maybe I just want something like that some point down the line with someone, someday." Kara then muttered under her breath, closing her eyes to try to get herself to calm down. All of sudden she felt like she was under the spot, like all eyes were on her even though no one was probably looking at them.

She was starting to feel cornered, for some reason, and the spaces around her were closing in.

"Someone like James? Or Lena?" Alex pressed on.

"What does that even mean?" Kara replied, taking a deep breath, clearing her thoughts as best as she could, before opening her eyes again.

"Nothing." she heard Alex whisper, as her sister pulled her in for a hug. "Kara, I… I just want you to know that if you need to tell me anything, or if you just need me, I'm here. If something's bugging you, I can help you figure things out."

"I… Alex, there's nothing to figure out." Kara replied, trying to convince Alex it was the truth.

"I'd believe you when actually believe it yourself." Alex replied, giving Kara an understanding look.

A look that haunted her through the night as she did a quick patrol over National City. Technically she was still fired, and the government didn't allow her to be Supergirl. A very stupid thing Kara was complying to as best she could if only to protect the people she loved. Her thoughts getting more and more tangled up as emotions she never thought of and felt before were taking over her.

Alex was wrong, she didn't know what she was talking about. A part of her kept arguing that over and over again.

But there was part of her that was starting to question if Alex even had a point.

Was she jealous? Kara wasn't even sure of what she was being jealous about, but deep down inside, she knew that she was.

But of what?

Of their relationship? Partly. Of course, Kara wants to share her life with someone eventually.

Of not being James? All romantic interest in him was gone.

But what was all that thing about Lena about?

Kara found herself in her apartment that night more confused than ever, her heart in great turmoil. She wouldn't even dare broach the question in her head, the question Alex had posed about Lena, afraid of finding out the answer herself.

She couldn't, there's no way could be…

…or was she?

Was she, in fact, jealous of James because of where he stood at that party? Of who his hands were on? Of who his lips had kissed?

Kara didn't know.

And she didn't know what to think about it.

Except her heart didn't quite agree with her mind that night, crying, aching, yearning, for the one thing it wished upon the stars and it feared to never have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bliss don't last long when you're not with the one you're supposed to be with. In other words, more jealous Kara, upset at James for his stupidity Kara, angry at James for his stupidity Lena, and done with it Kara. We'll have Alex back for one last needed push afterwards, I promise!


	5. James' Reason for Getting Coal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry for keeping you waiting. Imma try to get all the chapters up by the 25th but if not, well, before New Year's Eve, I promise! Again this story is 10 chapters long, so we're about the halfway mark now.

Kara was a little distracted over lunch with Lena, but her presence always does wonders to her. It was like a calming effect, a soothing wave the washes over her, making her forget most of her worries.

Most, not all, with Alex's questions still lingering in her mind.

Kara nodded along as Lena talked, she listened with awe whenever she talked about the work she's doing with L-Corp, the foundations and charities she supported, particularly this holiday season, and pretty anything that the CEO was passionate about. She was an active listener to her talk about everything. Everything except James, anything except James and her relationship with Lena. All Kara got was that they were talking, they were trying, and things were seemingly finally going back on track.

Up until five minutes later of her passively nodding along when an interview that James had to give was turned upside down – at least, Kara would assume – when talking about the hot topic of the president demanding Supergirl exhibit the same transparency as James did as Guardian.

When asked of his motivations, of his reasons for revealing his identity, and if he felt better now that everything was out in the open, James admitted that it was easier not keeping a secret and working together with the rightful law enforcement agencies.

That one answer and a few questions later, and somehow the media was spinning the story that James supported the president's sentiments and that Supergirl should reveal her identity to the public.

Kara was upset. She was mad, sure, but she knew that James meant well. Was she irritated as hell? Yes, yes she was. Mostly because she was already feeling incredibly torn apart about the situation, especially with the president calling for Supergirl to hang her cape if she wasn't going to comply. But she also knew that James was mostly talking about himself as Guardian, that when he came out, he had no choice. It was out of necessity. James should have known better though. He's been in the industry for years and still, he was led to that conclusion throughout the interview.

Crinkle was on full show, she was looking at James hurt and upset, giving him the silent treatment as soon as she and Lena marched back to CatCo after catching the news on the TV of the restaurant they were having lunch in.

Lena, on the other hand, was fuming. She was currently exchanging words with James in his office all while Kara hung around just by the doorway, with Nia trying to figure out when it would be best to interrupt the two after many media outlets were reaching out wanting to get a statement from a Luthor.

"Look, Lena, I was just saying how things were for me. And with what's happening now, I think a compromise of sorts could be made. Supergirl doesn't have to give her identity to the public, but something close to that. Maybe she has an earth identity like Superman, but if you'd remember, Superman gave his alien identity to the public ages ago. They all know he's Kal-El from Krypton during an interview with Lois Lane, and that was enough. It gave people something to go on without pressing for anything more."

Kara's anger wavered a little after hearing that, James was telling the truth. However, her anger flickered back in full form when she realized that there wasn't really that much separating her Kryptonian name from her name on earth. 'Kal-El' was least a bit far from 'Clark Kent'. The only thing that separated Kara Danvers from Kara Zor-El was the last name, and people might put two and two together faster in her case.

"That's not the point, James." Lena argued. "And like it or not, we're going to set things right with a press conference."

"Lena, I'm the CEO of this company and I don't need you calling a press conference for-" James argued, but Lena never let him finish

"I'm sorry, did I stutter? You seem to think this optional."

"Cat Grant…" James tried to argue once more.

"Sold her company to me." Lena replied. "I own CatCo, James, I own it now, not Cat Grant. I don't care if she left you in charge, I'm your boss now and I won't hesitate to replace you if we don't set this right. You being the CEO of CatCo means that you represent this company, you're the face of the company. What you say, your opinions, it could easily represent what CatCo stands for."

James took a deep breath to keep his cool. "And I'm guessing you want Supergirl to keep her identity a secret? You're one to talk, Lena. Don't you want to know who she is?"

Lena looked at James with hurt and disdain. The whole thing capturing Kara's full attention. Just for that comment, she really wanted to knock the living daylights out of James, good friend or not. Lena's jaw tightened before clearing her throat. "That's a different matter."

"How?" James pressed on, feeling like he's gaining the upper hand in this argument.

"I thought we were friends. And you can't keep secrets with people you want an honest relationship with." Lena replied. "It's a sign of trust. But what the president wants, James, if it's not easy for you to comprehend, is essentially own Supergirl by holding the knowledge of her identity. She can't come out, alien identity, or worse, earth identity. If she tells who she is to the public, she immediately endangers the lives of the people she love, I get that. The same if she only comes out to the government, and I highly doubt this country's government would be satisfied with just her alien identity. They'd want everything they can know about her. James, Supergirl, she doesn't belong to any government. She's not an all-American hero like her cousin, and she shouldn't be. She's the symbol of hope not just in National City, or this country. She's a symbol of hope for the whole world, and maybe one for the universe too. Supergirl, she doesn't serve the interests of one country, or hold loyalties to one either. She's on the side of good, justice, and freedom. Maybe not necessarily the American way, especially with the world we live in right now. Especially with the hate in this country."

James looked stunned and at a loss. If Kara was being honest, she was too.

"I… What about giving powers to humans? Wasn't that your whole stance? Playing god? Don't tell me of what you think about Supergirl – " James argued, grasping at straws.

"It's not about that." Lena simply replied. "I'm on no sides, James. I understand Supergirl's side, and for that matter, I do agree that everything the Children of Liberty stands for is wrong. They're only out there to spread hate. But I also know that not all aliens are like Supergirl, and she can't possibly deal with all of them by herself, last time I checked, splitting herself in half isn't one of her powers. I wanted to do something, still do if possible, to help remove the fear. Maybe it's the right way, maybe it's the wrong way, I don't know. I'm still trying to figure it out. But that is an entirely different matter from Supergirl's identity. If you can't understand that, James, if you can't understand me and my stance, then there's no real point in arguing, is there?" Lena responded, putting him in place and leaving Kara even more stunned.

She watched as Lena marched out of the office and into her elevator, ignoring James and excusing herself only from Kara, saying something about rescheduling their interrupted lunch date.

Kara simply nodded, still processing everything. James looked at her half pleading and half asking for forgiveness as soon as Lena left but Kara simply ignored him. She knew she would forgive him eventually, but right now she was still disappointed in him.

For what he said that argument and for how he treated Lena.

And with all the things swirling in her head – emotions like guilt for being happy that Lena and James are once again at odds, feeling hurt for Lena having to deal with James, and being plain angry with him on top of the Supergirl news – Kara figured that she needed some time to think.

That and Alex, she needed her sister to help clear up the mess in her head and her heart.

There was too much noise in her head and she was tired of it. The time has come to straighten things out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you're enjoying the start of the final demise of LOLsen! We have Alex driving it home in the next chapter, I promise! Plus Kara's bi-awakening? Haha?


	6. Alex's Gift of Wisdom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here is chapter 6. Kara has a lot of things to juggle with. Also, sorry for the delay in updates. I got caught up in the holiday rush with the fam and then I got sick :( I'm feeling better now though!

"Kara." Alex said, with a look of understanding as Kara paced back and forth in her living room during their traditional Danvers sisters' night in. Her sister was practically blurting it all out, processing her emotions, coming into one realization after another, all from one afternoon.

One afternoon, as Kara recounted, where she allowed herself to look deep within herself about how she felt by the predicaments that surrounded them. About James' mistakes, Lena's stance, about the relationship the two had, and about what Kara truly felt. Alex would be proud at her, if only life was simple. If only things were perfect and Kara wasn't someone who cared and loved her friends and family so much so that she would prioritize them over herself.

And like a dam, Kara broke, emotions all pouring out. A struggle between what she wanted and what she knew she had to do emerging.

The selfish thing to do, and the not selfish thing to do.

And Alex could see how much it was tearing Kara apart.

The selfish thing, for Kara at least, of telling Lena how she felt, with things between her and James up in the air.

The selfless thing of waiting on the side, waiting on something that may never happen, and letting things unfold with James and Lena to see if they would ever fit each other like they were both trying so hard to do.

The selfish thing of telling Lena she was Supergirl – which Alex and Kara both knew would be an inevitability should Kara tell her how she felt because there was no way they could ever have a real functioning relationship if they kept big secrets like that from each other – risk whatever fallout, and possibly put her life in danger.

The selfless thing of letting her go, be with anyone else if not with James, to keep her safe – granted Alex knew that Lena's life was practically already in danger every week or so, but with knowing Kara is Supergirl, the CEO's life being in peril would exponentially increase.

"Kara." Alex repeated, her voice a little louder than before seeing as her sister just wouldn't stop rambling.

Kara came to an abrupt halt, turning swiftly to look at Alex teary eyed. She always had been the emotional type.

Surprised to actually see Kara listening to her, Alex realized that she didn't actually know what to say. A few minutes of silence pass them by before Alex took a deep breath and walked up to where her sister stood.

"The world means nothing to me if you don't live in it. If Ma-, well… you know…" Alex started saying as she took Kara's hands in her own. "And it means nothing to me, living with the absence of their love."

"But Alex…" Kara argued back. In her eyes Alex could see all the worries that clouded her mind, from how Lena would react if she told her how she felt and to how she would react if she found out she was Supergirl, and even to what her enemies would do if they find out that Supergirl had affections for a certain Luthor, up to the most catastrophic of outcomes that would cause Kara great pain and grief and suffering.

Her sister was scared, but to Alex that was a good thing. It meant she has something to lose.

It meant she had something to protect.

It meant that she had everything to fight for.

"Kara, do you love me?" Alex then settle on asking. There was no making sense with Kara when she's too blinded by all that could go wrong.

"Yes, Alex, what are you even doing asking me that?" Kara answered, throwing her sister a curious look. "You are my family. Of course I love you. Eliza and Jeremiah too."

"And Clark?" Alex pressed on.

"He's my cousin. My blood. Of course."

"And Winn? James? J'onn? Brainy? All our friends?" Alex went on.

"Yes, Alex. I love all of you." Kara replied, not seeing where this was going. "What does this have to do with-"

Alex cut Kara short of her question. "Do you love Lena?"

Pause.

Kara was about to say yes, that she of course she loved her – that was clearly the cause of the current dilemma – but the words had difficulty of forming.

"Can you say you love her?" Alex continued.

"I- I- of…" Kara stammered hit with the truth that she had slowly come to realize earlier on.

"I don't doubt that you can, Kara." Alex then replied. "It's clear as day when people look at the two of you, when they see how you care about her. But the thing is, you've never really said it out loud before. You love me because I'm your sister, you love Winn, James, Brainy, J'onn, and the others because they're your friends and family. It's easy to say for us, but when it comes to Lena, it's hard. Because it comes from a different place. Because saying it, that you love her, whether it's you meaning it as a friend, is going to be difficult for the first time. Deep down, in your subconscious when you were still unaware of it, you know that you love her in a different and unconditional way. It's difficult because you know, if you say it out loud it becomes real, it makes you vulnerable to its reality, and no matter what you do, you can never take it back."

"Alex…" Kara tried to say, as if she was about to reason with her but Alex simply shook her head.

"You need to clear your mind. Stop listening to it. Start listening to your heart. You know, deep down you do, what the answers are to your question. You know what you need to do. Burying it inside won't make it disappear. If she resents you for your secrets, and if that stops her from loving you too, then I don't think she deserves you. If she doesn't feel the same way back, Kara, I don't think Lena would abandon you and I'll be here to mend your heart. But Kara, I've seen the way she looks at you too. I'm not saying it's the absolute truth, what happens next depends on both of you. I'm just saying, start listening to your heart when it comes to matters of the heart. Otherwise, well, you'll regret it one day."

Kara simply nodded, processing what Alex just had said. Alex smiled and pulled her sister in a hug. "And if you need me, I'll be here. Let me worry about the world for now, return the favor. You focus on clearing your mind and heart, and getting the girl this time."

Kara chuckled as she pulled out of the hug.

And for the first time that evening she smiled, relieving Alex's worried heart for her sister.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We'll be back at the Kent Farm because we need to have a conversation form one Super to another. Also, I'm busy wrapping up my grad studies this month (yay!) but this means that the updates might get irregular. I'll try to get them up as soon as possible. Since the next chapter is short, it should also be up tonight if not tomorrow!


	7. A X'mas Miracle Back at the Kent Farm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here's the last chapter with Clarks POV! He'll pop up again later for a brief appearance but that's all :) I'm excited for the next chapter (and it should go up around Friday)!

Clark turned to Lois and the two exchanged looks, both sporting smiles as they listened to Kara’s little speech. Kara looked fidgety and nervous, trying to put a brave face on as she spoke and fiddled with her glasses. Alex had called them ahead of time, apparently they were having their usual Danvers sisters’ night when Kara had a little revelation. She had taken to the skies after their talk, or so Alex had said, with Alex undoubtedly convincing Kara that no human technology could keep up and track her top speed anyways. Her sister kept their whole conversation short and sweet, being vague about what was in Kara’s mind, but Clark already had an inkling about it from her last visit so he could already venture a guess.

So truthfully, it was no surprise for him and Lois to find Kara landing in front of the house on the Kent Farm, the two staying over while Ma Kent was still out on a short vacation visiting family. The repairs that Clark had wanted to do were all done and wrapped up, but the peace and quiet of the place was something both he and Lois had started to crave. Argo was busy, Metropolis was busy, and sometimes everyone needs a little peace and quiet.

Kara had come with an unshakable resolve to talk to him, for the most part, about what she believed was a sensitive topic. She personally sat him and Lois down the sofa as soon as they welcomed them in and opened her little speech with the claim that all of what was to follow was more of an FYI for him no matter what he thinks or feels, and that she was going to him first because she was family and she thought he deserved to know the truth of how she felt directly from herself and not from anyone else.

The resolve, however, started to crumble as she approached her main point. Not in an ‘I’m scared of _you_ ’ way but in an ‘I’m scared of being in this vulnerable’ position kind of way. Clark could easily sympathize with that, having felt the exact same thing when he first told Lois that he loved her, and then again when he told her the truth about being Superman. More recently, it happened when he proposed to her. He could even remember Lois laughing out loud reminding Clark that adorkableness apparently ran in the family.

As was the case Kara was making right now giving an impassioned, if not jittery at times, speech about her feelings for one Lena Luthor and how she planned to come clean to her about it and everything and Clark just had to deal.

Lois chuckled as soon as she broke eye contact with Clark which prompted Kara to acknowledge the knowing look that the two had shared. “But all of this is actually unnecessary since you already seem to know and just refused to tell me.”

“You had to figure it out on your own, Midvale.” Lois replied.

 “Midvale?”

“What? I call him Smallville.” Lois replied with a shrug, thumb sticking out to point at Clark sitting next to her.

This time it was Clark who chuckled.

“And you, you’re not weirded out our mad or in any type of protest, formal or informal?” Kara asked, turning to Clark.

Clark simply shook his head. “You said it yourself, Kara, don’t you remember? We write our own destiny. Lex and I, well, we wrote a tragedy. But that was our destiny. Maybe yours is with Lena, and maybe it’s one of love and support, of understanding and learning from each other. I’m glad you want to tell her how you feel.”

“And if you’re worried about Jimmy, well, he’ll just have to deal as well.” Lois then jumped in. “Love can sometimes, if not always, be a messy thing. But, I do believe that telling Lena the truth could be a start in the right direction.”

“You just have to fight for her, Kara.” Clark reminded. “No matter what.”

Kara simply nodded. “I know.” she said, more to herself than as a reply to what Clark had said. “It’s just, telling her what I feel for her is hard enough, but with everything else, I know that telling her the truth about who I am is part of this. It can’t be one or the other and…” she then went on, her worries about Lena reacting to the news that she’s Supergirl starting to show.

“Ah, yeah, that might be complicated.” Clark replied, taking a deep breath to clear his thoughts and better articulate his words. He has been there before, after all. The only difference? The girl she liked didn’t have the world’s most dangerous criminal mastermind for a brother and there was no such thing as years-worth of transgressions weighing them down.

And it shouldn’t weigh them down. Clark was just struggling to find a way to tell this to Kara and make her understand.

“To be honest, I already knew before Clark told me.” Lois then said.

“Wait, what?” Clark asked, surprised at this revelation.

“Seriously?” Kara then added.

Lois laughed. “Well, I always had a suspicion.” she admitted. “I don’t know where Lena stands, and I’m sure what she had to endure with the weight of her family name constantly bringing her down will factor heavily into this too, but she’s someone who matters to you, Kara. You love her. No matter what happens next, you love her. You’ll probably always love her even if you can delude yourself into moving on if things don’t pan out. Point is, if you want to prove your mettle and want an actual relationship with her, you have to tell her. Forget about how you’ll do it or thinking about how you’ll do it because we’ll just be wasting time here. Do you have any idea how much it would mean for her for you trust her with that secret?”

Clark nodded. “Tell her before you can’t. Don’t push it off thinking about tomorrows that would come. And if things go sideways, fight for her. Even if it’s just to salvage your friendship. It won’t be easy, but Kara, everyone deserves to know the truth. Everyone deserves to know they are loved. It’s your responsibility to accept whatever response you get and respect the other person’s wishes. I don’t think I have to tell you that either way, you should never give up on a person.”

Kara simply nodded. “And write our own destiny, huh?”

“Yup.” Clark and Lois replied.

“You know, I thought that you’d freak out a bit more.” Kara then admitted. “I was ready to fight you with all I had if you went all ‘NO KARA’.” she added, getting rather animated.

“I learned from you, cousin.” Clark simply replied. “I learned from you and your example. Your capacity to see what other people ignore.”

Kara simply smiled and relaxed a bit after that.

And Clark couldn’t help but smile as he waved her goodbye, his cousin taking to the skies once more. Lois leaned closer to him just as Clark wrapped around her waist, the two still watching the spot in the sky where Kara was moments ago.

“Who would’ve thought, a Super and a Luthor?” Lois then asked and Clark chuckled.

“Only happens for the best of us.” Clark simply replied thinking about Kara and Lena.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, next chapter is where it all goes down! Yeah! It's a split POV between Kara and Lena! :D


	8. Kara and Lena's Chaotic Holiday Rush

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here it is, chapter 8! I realized while writing this that the next chapter could be lengthier and that Lena's part in this is a bit short but next chapter is in her POV! Just as a teaser/slight spoiler, Lena's POV def has the SG reveal.

Kara could feel her heart beating loudly in her chest. It was one of those moments when it felt like she was living in a dream, that time both sped up and slowed down, all narrowing into one specific moment.

It was an indescribable feeling. She was experiencing an emotion she couldn't quite put her finger on.

She reached L-Corp Plaza bright and early the day after her talk with Alex, Clark, and Lois, not really giving herself any time to think or reconsider her choices. She needed to get this stuff out of her chest, put it out there, before she starts making up a reason not to.

Will she be making a mistake? She wasn't sure. But she was just about ready to make one.

She had hoped that Lena wouldn't be too busy just yet. She knew the CEO's schedule and routine pretty well by know and knew that despite always having early mornings, she typically only schedules a few meetings before nine. She was, however, wrong. Apparently, with the holidays came charity galas, plenty of board room meetings, and the usual stressful, breakneck pace that came with it.

She knew that James and Lena had a press meeting later that day, something the CEO had insisted on doing to correct James' mistakes. She did not know they were meeting earlier that day.

And judging by the huffing and puffing James marching out of the main building and into the main square of the plaza, it did not go well.

James looked like he was about to say something to Kara, but Kara – for many reasons both personal, professional, and Supergirl-related – decided to step aside and avoid his gaze. The message seemed to have been received as James backed off and went on his way.

Kara took a deep breath as she steadied herself for a second. She wasn't going to let herself be deterred. She came here for a mission after all, a mission she wasn't exactly prepared for – no pre-planned speech or anything, wanting to just let things come out naturally – but a mission nonetheless.

With renewed strength, Kara took another step towards the main building, only to run into Lena herself on her way out, with Eve close behind. "Lena!" Kara exclaimed.

"You sound surprised to see me, Kara." she noted, sounding quite amused. A smile was tugging at the corner of her lips as she opened her arms to welcome Kara into a quick hug. "But I believe the surprise is mine. I wasn't expecting you, but it's always nice to see you."

Kara made sure to give Lena a warm, hearty hug, knowing full well that she needed one despite marching on. Her heart felt that warmth, like all her worries was stilled for that brief moment, a wave of calm washing over her, only to feel that warmth disperse as Lena pulled away, her hands running down Kara's arms as she reached to hold her hands. "What can I do for you, Kara?" Lena then asked.

"Ah, Ms. Luthor, the thing at the children's hospital…" Eve then reminded her, trying to make sure her boss was on track with her busy schedule.

"Oh." Kara then said, a mixture of disappointment, anxiety, and fear in her tone. "I… I was kind of hoping we could talk."

This was it. This was only shot. Kara had a lot of pep talks overnight and she was all but ready to peel the band-aid off, take a leap of faith, all of it. She's build her confidence up for this and she doesn't go through with it, Kara just was worried she may never find the courage to do it again, let excuses pile up and chances slip.

"Well I always have time for you, Kara." Lena replied, before turning to her assistant. "Eve, why don't you go ahead and wait for the car. Tell Marcus I won't be long."

Eve nodded and was quick to her feet. Her expression when she left told Kara that she knew that Lena's "won't be long" line could mean somewhere between five minutes to an hour. Lena was a busy woman, but for Kara she always made time.

Lena turned to Kara and smiled as soon as Eve disappeared and ushered her towards the corner of L-Corp plaza where the second floor balconies jutted out of the main building. They didn't head back inside, telling Kara that while Lena was most definitely making time for her sudden appearance, she most definitely cannot forget or cancel her plans at the children's hospital. Instead, they hid under the shade provided by the balcony above them and away from the busy traffic of people coming and going between the different departments separated into the many buildings for L-Corp. It wasn't ideal, and Kara wished things could be more private given all that she was going to say, but she had to take what she could take. She figured she could break down everything she wanted to tell Lena, confess her feelings first, and tell her what was possibly the more dangerous of her secrets from her later in the day – Kara was most definitely giving herself a strict self-imposed deadline to not leave any room for getting any cold feet.

Kara took a deep breath, closing her eyes for a brief second. She could feel where Lena's hands rested on hers, her fingers grazing her wrists. She steadied her racing her heart the best she could. Some truths were hard to tell, and she was about to tell the hardest one of all. The one her subconscious was fiercely protecting, the one that would leave her the most vulnerable. The truth of her heart.

She could feel the fear stir up inside of her, along with a dozen other mixture of emotions. Kara was doing her best to keep them all silent. When she finally released her breath, her eyes meeting Lena's own, she could feel the truth threatening to slip from her lips with ease.

How, how could she have been blind from this?

The way she couldn't ever take her eyes off of Lena's, the way her gaze lingers to the spot where Lena was when she leaves a room, or even the way her very presence brightens Kara's day ten-fold… how? How could she have been so blind?

"Kara, what is it?" Lena pressed on, her voice so gentle that Kara finds it so hard to believe that she has the power, the control, to command any boardroom, crisis room, press room – any room to be honest – with a sharp and fierce confidence that rivals that of Cat Grant's.

"Lena, I…" Kara started to say, trying to regain control of her heart that was just ready to give way to the truth, her that yearned to be free. "This, this isn't the perfect time," Kara started to stay, fighting her urge to fidget nervously and instead taking Lena's hands into her own. "And maybe there will never really be one. But I… but something's been building inside of me and I needed to tell you. Y-you deserve to know, is what I mean." Kara went on, taking another deep breath.

"Okay… go on." Lena encouraged, looking at her completely lost as to where everything was going.

Kara smiled almost a bittersweet smile. "I…" Kara started, before taking pause to let out a chuckle, her eyes landing on their intertwined hands. "I wasn't expecting this." she admitted. "Not any of it really. You kind of just appeared out of nowhere and into my life. You kind of just happened unexpectedly. I didn't know our paths would cross, or that we'd eventually become friends. I didn't. I was blindly chasing what I thought I wanted but that – in a way – already had with you. Or I guess, something that's already taken root and just blossomed without me realizing until… Until I can't breathe anymore, until every beat of my heart wasn't even mine anymore. It was out of my hands and out my control."

"Kara, you're not really making any sense." Lena replied, her head dipping low to catch Kara's attention, her eyes searching Kara's own for answers. A mixture of emotions flashed before her eyes, and Kara wasn't sure if it was fear and anxiety or confusion or hope.

Kara gave Lena's hands a squeeze and smiled to reassure her. No, Kara has no idea what will happen next. And no, Kara wasn't sure if her heart endure any heartbreak caused by one Lena Luthor. But Alex was right. Clark and Lois were right.

Lena deserved to know.

And Kara was ready to face the music, come what may.

Because she knew, she'll never stop loving her either way.

"I'm saying Lena," Kara started to say, her eyes looking only at Lena's this time. "I'm saying that everywhere in the world, everyone secretly wishes that they can fall in love with someone who was their best friend. And I should be lucky, instead I'm deathly scared. I thought I knew what I wanted, but I didn't realize what was until just a few days ago… until you essentially."

"Kara, what- are you…?" Lena tried to say, for once in her life she was a loss for words. But her eyes, oh they were clear as day. Realization shone behind them that she was getting Kara's message.

Kara nodded. "I know there's stuff with James. A-and I know, I don't have the right to just tell you who to choose. But I needed you to know. I wanted you to know. That," Kara started to say, closing her eyes and taking yet another deep breath. She didn't expect this to make her as emotional as she was getting.

"That Lena Luthor," Kara finally said as she released her breath, her eyes once again meeting Lena's, a sense of calm, relief, and freedom washing over her as the truth was finding its way to be spoken out loud and in the softest tone Kara had ever known. "I have found myself falling helplessly and irrevocably in love with  _you_."

* * *

The world had stopped as soon as the words slipped out of Kara's lips.

A simple truth found its way shaking Lena's very core. A simple but powerful truth.

That Kara Danvers loved her.

She  _loved_  her, Lena Luthor.

And that Lena herself –

The thought never really fully finishes in Lena's mind as the main square of the Plaza was quickly littered with the Children of Liberty and their sympathizers, word getting out about Lena's plans with James and the press later.

They weren't pleased, they didn't want the man they took as their own token and symbol to get the chance to rewrite the twisted truth they had already set free to the world. Chaos filled the square as their attackers came with high-tech weapons that filled the air with screams and terror, explosions and smokes.

Things unfolded too fast for her liking right before her eyes. It was as if Lena was being whisked away from one scene to another. A blast occurred somewhere near where they stood from something that emitted some green energy, complete pulverizing one of the pillars that supported that balcony above them. Kara was quick to pull her away, walking towards the building. An aftershock coming from the blast had cut through the concrete of the pillar closer to where they stood, pieces crumbling from the cracked lines. A few more blasts occurred in different directions, the ground trembled and shook. The sounds of siren coming from the first wave of responders hung in the air as more blasts and shots were heard, smoke filling up most of her vision, the rest was filled by then sight of the part of the pillar still holding up the balcony crumbling, just as a piece of the concrete above them shifted, and cracked – debris falling everywhere.

"Kara!" Lena yelled in horror as the concrete above them completely gave way, screams filling the air. They didn't have time.  _She_ didn't have time to fully process anything, everything that had just transpired.

Lena's heart was gripped with fear as Kara pushed her down, her hands supporting her weight as she shielded Lena with her own body.

Then everything was dark.

Lena could feel her heart racing, threatening to jump out of her chest. She was still breathing, Kara didn't scream for pain. She didn't really feel any weight pressed down on her, although she could feel Kara's body inches away above her. She opened her eyes seeing only clacks of light coming from the darkness that surrounded her, catching random sounds of fighting and screaming coming from somewhere.

The light was growing, feeling her vision as she blinked a few times, still frozen in fear with what had just happened, as the light grew so did the smoke from the rubble and destruction that surrounded them. Lena stared in disbelief as Kara shrugged of what she surmised was tons of weight that had fallen on her, not of a scratch or injury, not an inch of pain in her expression despite looking so torn, despite her hair looking so disheveled, and despite her glasses falling off to the ground, inches away from Lena.

As Kara freed them from their desperate situation by simply pushing herself off the ground and sitting up in front of her, something had clicked in Lena's mind, her eyes staring at Kara's glasses-free face for the first time.

_Oh._

Kara closed her eyes, and took in a shaky breath. For a moment that world had stilled despite the chaos that ensued. All Lena could wrap around her head was the revelation before her.

"I-I'm sorry, Lena." Kara simply replied, before unbuttoning her shirt, revealing the tell-tale blue of Supergirl's suit underneath.

Her vision was filled with a blur, as she let Kara whisk her away to safety, as far away from the fighting as possible, landing on top of CatCo's building. It had happened so fast that Lena didn't have a moment to let her thoughts catch up. As soon as they landed, Kara was quick to the skies to save the day.

Leaving Lena shaken, confused, and numb, staring blankly at skies as soon as Kara had disappeared.

Everything happened so fast, too fast, that she was left defenseless.

As thoughts, feelings, and emotions – all messy and irrational – came tumbling out of boxes buried in the deep recesses of her mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In a sense, that was cliffhanger-y because we don't know yet how Lena reacts. Well…
> 
> We have Lena and Brainy talking about boxes next chapter, so, that's a hint I think?


	9. Unwrapping Lena's Boxes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Here's chapter 9! It's pretty much focused on Lena with special guest appearances of Brainy and even Clark as Superman.

Lena leaned on her kitchen counter, her head in her hands, her mind pretty much a mess. She was sat on the bar stool, an empty glass and a half-empty bottle of scotch right next was set on the counter. She wasn't entirely sure what to do next that for her genius, drinking was the only resolution she could come up with.

It was bright and early the day after the attack at L-Corp. Lena had pretty much given up on trying to get ready for work the next day, leaving a message to Eve to cancel all her appointments. There were too many things preoccupying her mind at the moment that she didn't feel like she could be her best self at L-Corp that morning.

There was the whole thing with James that, if she were being honest, felt like the least concerning thing on her woeful list of troubles. She'll deal with him later when she figures out what she wants to do. Things with him had escalated to the worst possible heights and with everything that had happened the day before, she just didn't have the energy to spare him the thought at the moment.

What with the battle raging on between her mind and heart and all the truths and revelations she had to face the other day, Lena felt like she was being torn apart. She would be lying if she said that in her drunken stupor the night before she didn't end up crying herself to sleep.

Lena took a deep breath, trying to calm herself. She needed to be logical.

But logical meant that she had to deal with the mess of the aftermath that had followed her chaotic morning the other day, and she really didn't want to have to deal with that. She didn't want to relive her questionable decisions, her anger, her sadness, or the heartache that persisted inside her chest.

So another shot of scotch it is.

Her head was pretty much throbbing, the part of herself that still had common sense was heavily chastising her, but she nevertheless downed the drink she had poured for herself with one go. She wanted to desperately remove the image of heartbroken Kara looking so torn up and hurt flying away from her balcony the other night, she wanted to forget the hurtful things that had come out of her mouth, the terrible things she had said because it killed her to even say it to Kara, but time had gone and can't be unturned.

Perhaps Kara hated her now. Although Lena couldn't bear the thought of it, perhaps it was also for the best.

Because how could Kara ever love someone like Lena?

More than that, how could Kara ever love her without telling her the truth that she was Supergirl?

Lena leaned resumed leaning on the kitchen counter after downing another shot, her chin on the palm of her hands, looking at the glimpse of her living room from where she sat, her eyes lingering on the spot where Kara had landed on the balcony the night before.

Her voice had been so soft as she called out to her, uncertainty wringing clear. "Lena…"

But Lena had already been two bottles in. The realization that Kara and Supergirl had been one and the same after all this time too difficult for her to grapple.

Lena mostly ignored her as Kara invited herself in, stepping inside from the opened doors – Lena wasn't even sure why she had opened them – and not sure if what she was doing was breaking any rules. She had been careful with her movements, trying to humble herself in front of Lena. It was almost to jarring for her to see Supergirl acting like the Kara Danvers she knew.

At their core, she supposed they were one and the same. She really should have seen it sooner. Kara was brave, kind, and loving. She was strong, dependable, and protective. She was the one who defended her, always. A shelter in the storm of life. Lena always felt safe with her, it was always so easy with her. With Kara she was Lena, and Lena only. No Luthor name, no heavy weight of the past to lug and carry around.

With Supergirl, she was careful. Sure, she always saved her, and saved the day too, but she was still a Super, and Lena was still a Luthor. No matter how hard she tried, there were certain prejudices that came with who they were. Case in point, she had turned on her with disappointment and anger when she found out about the kryptonite Lena synthesized a year ago. Her pride and hubris as a hero took over – seemingly forgetting that there were many things that could hurt and kill a human too – and, for once, Lena had seen a fatal flaw. Fatal to their relationship for she was reminded of the painful truth associated to her name.

Kara seemed to be on the same page that night, apologizing profusely to the mistakes she knew she had committed, admitting that she still had a lot to learn.

It made Lena want to forgive her.

But it also made her angry.

Because she saw for the first time ever that the one person she trusted with her life, the one person she had the highest of regards for, was the same person who had caused her the most pain.

Yet here she was, the Kara she knew in Supergirl's suit reminding her that she was more than a Luthor.

"But it was enough, wasn't it?" Lena had then found herself saying, interrupting Kara's speech. "It was enough to keep who you really were from me, Kara." she went on to say as cool and calm as possible. But her hands had been shaking, her body betrayed her every intention. She didn't want to show her she was shaken up by this truth, she didn't want to give Kara the knowledge of just how much she affected her.

Worst of all, if Lena were being honest, she didn't want to show Kara how hurt she was that she didn't even trust her with the truth of who she was. Rather something hypocritical to do to someone you claim to love.

"That wasn't…" Kara tried to reason.

"Then what was? Why didn't you tell me?" Lena pressed on, her voice slightly raising with each word, asking her question with a sense of desperation and urgency. She needed to understand, she wanted to so badly, why Kara would do such a thing.

"I wanted to protect you." Kara replied almost in a whisper, tears trailing down her cheeks as she tried just as desperately to make Lena understand.

"Yeah? Well then, I assume everyone else knew?"

"Lena that was different." Kara argued.

"Different how, Kara?" she asked before chuckling. "I don't even know you're real name. Must be fun making a fool out of me."

"That wasn't –" Kara immediately replied. "Lena… Kara really is my name. Kara Zor-El, before the Danvers took me in." she settled on giving a reply.

Lena's resolve nearly crumbled. One look at Kara's searching, glassy eyes was enough. But her anger that had been fueled by the amount of alcohol she had already consumed kept her going. "At least that's one thing I know about you to be true."

"Lena…" Kara immediately responded, once again pleading, taking one step closer to where she was, reaching out but immediately backing off, not wanting to suddenly invade Lena's space. "No, the situation… that's what's different. The people who know, they found out on their own and out of necessity. If I had my way… Lena, more than anyone, you're the one I would tell it to. That I'd want to share my secret to."

"A little late of an afterthought, don't you think?" Lena remarked, embittered by her feelings.

But Kara didn't waiver, taking another step closer. "Lena…" she said as she sighed. "You're the one who I wanted to know the truth the most, but the one couldn't tell it to the most. You're the one I'm scared of losing the most, I need you to understand that." she fought to say, despite getting more and more emotional. "I need you to know that much."

And it moved her, oh it did. But the poisoned thoughts that formed out of living under the shadow cast her family, the memories of growing up as a Luthor tainted her. It made her second-guess everything. It made her second-guess why Kara was doing this. And it unnerved her so much, seeing Kara right in front of her as the Kara that she knew dressed up as the Kryptonian their city hailed as their savior.

"Just go, Kara." was all that Lena could say.

"Lena, please just… I need you to know. I was planning to tell you the truth, I wanted you to know." Kara went on, this time closing the distance and reaching out to hold Lena's hand in her own. "This is all too much, I know, but it wasn't a lie. Not everything with us was a lie. I am myself the most when I'm with you, because I can just be Kara. Because when I'm with you I'm not from the House of El, or a hero, or the cousin of your brother's nemesis. I'm just me. And it gives me faith that maybe, just maybe, there's something between us. That we have the power write our own destinies. I know it's a lot, but it doesn't change the fact of how – no matter how stupid blind I was – am truly falling in helplessly in love with you." she went on to say, with all the passion and heart.

But Lena just couldn't say it, scared, hurt, confused, and untrusting.

"Just go…" she whispered in response, her head filled with too much noise.

"Lena…" Kara pleaded once more, looking rather dejected. "I… I don't need you to love me the same way, I… I just need to know that we're going to be okay, that we could…"

"Kara," Lena replied, feeling all torn up because there she goes again being selfless, putting her needs above her own. There she goes again being Kara Danvers. "Kara, I need you to leave, go. I don't want to see you!" she yelled in response, with all her might. She couldn't deal with this right now, not with all the inner turmoil she had to deal with herself first.

Not with all her warring sides, tearing her apart and reducing her into nothing but a shadow of who she believed she was. Not with all the voices of doubt in her head, or the venomous whispers she could imagine coming from Lex or her mother under a hypothetical instance that they knew of what a Super had felt for her and she felt for that said Super too.

No, she couldn't deal with it.

Because her head was a tangled mess, because it was getting so easy to just forgive Supergirl and forget the lie she kept, forget the fights they had as a Super and Luthor the past year they worked together, and forget absolutely everything else when she was being the Kara that she –

_Don't you dare say it!_ Lena thought to herself, snapping back to reality, and reaching for the bottle of scotch.

Because she really didn't know what to think.

A part of her, the one angry about Kara's deception, thinks that Kara didn't deserve her.

A different part of her, the one so relieved and overjoyed, the part that wanted to bask in the glory of knowing the truth that Kara Danvers loved her, felt the shame of thinking that she might not deserve Kara no matter how hard she tried.

And then there was that third part. A part that belonged to both halves of her warring mind and heart.

The part that had oh, so easily let slip a truth she didn't think exist. A truth she had subconsciously buried as soon as she started to get to know Kara and begun her fondness of her.

The truth that she loved her too.

A truth that she was still trying to grapple with on top the whole Supergirl thing.

"I see that it's not easy to deal with the boxes when they stay buried and closed for too long." she then heard Brainy say as the Coluan appeared in Lena's kitchen uninvited.

"I…" Lena started to say, confused as to what and why he was there in the first place.

"I came because of boxes." Brainy said matter-of-factly.

"What?" Lena replied, completely lost.

"Technically, I came because Nia Nal asked me to check on you seeing as no one seems to be able to reach you. Not to mention that Kara is currently the opposite of chipper this morning and, if I may quote Ms. Nal 'looks like death' this morning."

"She's… wha-…" Lena stammered before clearing her throat. "And why should I care about Ms. Nal or Kara, for that matter, wanting to know how I'm doing?"

"Again, Ms. Nal was the one who asked. Kara simply looks lifeless and unmoving at the moment. Although if I could venture a guess, it's probably because of the boxes?" Brainy simply replied, looking unfazed and walking closer to Lena.

"What boxes?"

"Yours. The hypothetical ones, remember? Kara's as well, but that I thought that was obvious too." Brainy replied. "She was a highly-stressed out nervous wreck version of herself last week as she contemplated on whether or not she should help James Olsen win back your favor. Alex seemed to be getting the picture, and I thought that the situation fitted your whole situation of hypothetical boxes. I'm not entirely certain, I am only venturing a guess as I have not spoken to the two about the matter. But seeing as you are as affected as Kara at the moment, I believe I am correct."

"Let me get this straight." Lena said before taking a deep breath. Her head was still throbbing, and all the thinking Brainy was making her do wasn't helping, but she wanted to at least try as the Coluan clearly was. "You're saying Kara buried her feelings for me deep down inside, shoved it inside a box and all, because, like me when I don't want to think about something I bury it, all my feelings, inside a box?"

"Yes." Brainy simply replied, pulling a seat next to Lena. "And like Kara, you did the exact same thing with your feelings."

"I…" Lena replied, completely caught unaware of any of this. "I never said…"

Brainy took a deep breath and cut her short. "Ms. Luthor, you are aware that I am for the future, correct? And while I try to always choose the best course of action that I can make here in the past that would not unsettle the intricate balance of time – granted, I know we travelled back in time to stop a calamity and that defeats the purpose I decided to take to not further unsettle it – I do know certain things."

"So you're saying that in the future Kara and I are an item?" Lena replied, her tone laced with sarcasm.

"Not that you need to concern yourself with the future, especially the 30th century, but… well… let's just say that from what I've heard, Kara was the definition of slow in realizing the truth in front of her." Brainy replied. "I wouldn't know about how fast you would've gotten over your blindness what with your boxes and all, but, Ms. Luthor, what I do know is what I can see right in front of me right in this moment, and that is a truth that is undeniable. I believe that the way you look at each other, your stolen glances, how you to know each other so well that you can easily communicate without the need for words… I believe that's what people call love."

Lena was speechless for a minute or two, before trying to change the topic, not entirely ready to confront that truth just yet, much less have anyone else see it to be the obvious thing.

"That… that doesn't excuse the fact that she hid the truth for me, about her being Supergirl."

"Ah…" Brainy then replied, this time he was the one caught unaware. "I didn't know you knew that one already. She told you, I assume?"

"She showed more than tell." Lena grumbled.

"I don't suppose this happened during yesterday's incident?" Brainy asked.

"Does it matter when?"

"I suppose you're right, it does not." Brainy then replied. "However, you shouldn't really hold that above her. You  _did_ know already."

Lena looked taken aback by the comment. "I most certainly did not!"

"Boxes, Ms. Luthor, boxes." Brainy then pointed out.

Lena tried to come up with a counterpoint but Brainy didn't give her the chance. "A part of you knew, don't deny it. Kara is a terrible liar, and it wouldn't surprise me if she slipped a few times too and came up with the worst possible excuse. But you saw past that, bought it up, and believed it to be true. For as long as you saw them as two separate entities, you can entrust Kara with your heart, go on living under the lie of the two of you just being best friends, and simply be Lena. With Supergirl came the baggage of being a Luthor because of your inherited histories, it doesn't have to be the case but it is. For as long as you believed them to be different people, you don't risk losing Kara as Kara Danvers, whatever happens to your relationship with Supergirl. You were protecting yourself and that relationship too. As for Kara, knowing who she is, she would have wanted to protect you from the burden of knowing the truth. She wouldn't want your life to be in any more danger than it is now. Although, she nearly risked her identity once, did you know? All thanks to you."

"What do you mean?" Lena pressed on, Brainy having caught her curiosity on the matter.

"Last year, when you were poisoned. She flew you from CatCo to the DEO in a matter of seconds. With all her speed, she didn't even spare a femtosecond to change into her suit." Brainy explained and Lena looked at him dumbfounded.

"That… that still doesn't mean I forgive her for the lies."

"Lies that kept you safe?" Brainy then pressed on. "Ms. Luthor, by no means do I assume nor insist that Kara is perfect. But she did what she did, hide the truth from you, not because she didn't trust you, if this is what the root of your anger is all about. It's because she cared about you and valued your life that much, above all else in fact. And don't go forgetting that as I've said, deep down you knew about the secret too. You have your fair share in this."

"That's pure conjecture." Lena argued.

"For all your genius, you are completely blind to your heart. Why else would you build a suit that can protect Supergirl from all forms of kryptonite exposure immediately after your fight with her regarding kryptonite?"

"I… how did you know I started immediately after that?"

"The technology you created couldn't have happened overnight. As I understand, no matter how rich or brilliant, you rely on other people to deliver your supplies and you needed to set-up a space in your labs where you can work undisturbed. Once you started working, it needed weeks at least, if not a few months, if you wanted it to be perfect and as flawless as it could be." Brainy pointed out.

Lena looked at him astounded, confronted by a different type of truth.

A truth she didn't even realize was one.

"I see that opening the boxes is a painful process, I have intruded enough. I do remind you, Ms. Luthor, Lena, that once opened, it would be impossible to close it again and shove it back in. Things forced in a confinement that can barely hold it typically swells up, fights against it, and breaks free. At the very least, it would be unwise to do so." Brainy said as he stood up and turned to leave.

"Brainy…" Lena called back. The Coluan turned to acknowledge her, a question in his eyes as to why she stopped him. "Make sure she gets through the day okay."

Brainy smiled lightly. "I don't think I'm the one best equipped at handling that situation, but I will make sure that Agent Danvers knows her sister needs her." he replied before leaving.

After that interaction, Lena cleared her kitchen counter, took a cold shower and busied herself. She had a lot of things to process, and she allowed herself to do so in between the little work she decided to do at home, taking her own form of baby steps.

She was still at a loss with what to do or how to even proceed, she just knew that she felt lighter with her talk with Brainy. She wasn't as angry as she had wanted to be although there was still a bit of hurt left lingering in her chest. A part of her still blamed Kara for trying to deceive her, the other part argued that the hurt was caused by her own stubborn pride and bruised ego for doing exactly what Brainy had deduced.

She chose to see the glasses and the pastel colors instead of the cape and the crest underneath the clothes.

She chose to see the humble reporter instead of the Girl of Steel.

She chose to ignore the otherworldly blue of Kara's eyes and focused on every other detail that made her human.

Lena was pretty much left alone for the rest of the day. It wasn't until evening came that she heard another soft thud on her balcony. Her heart leapt with joy despite her mind chastising herself for it, arguing that things couldn't be that simple.

In a way, it wasn't. Lena found herself disappointed when the well-known crest she saw on her balcony did not belong to Supergirl but instead belonged to Superman. She reluctantly walked up to open the doors and let him in. "You can save the threats, I'm not going to reveal her identity to the world. I most definitely won't say a thing to my family." she said as she let him in.

"That's not why I'm here. I have no worries about that at all." Superman said in a seemingly calm yet completely unreadable tone.

"A Super trusting a Luthor?" Lena threw back, still suspicious.

"Ah, well, I learned from my cousin and from what I know, she's better than me in all ways possible. Both as a human and as a Kryptonian."

"Then why are you here?" Lena asked, crossing her arms across her chest and doing her best to be civil with Superman. It's not that she hated him, she just wasn't exactly sure where any of this was going. Her interactions with the Super since moving to National City were minimal, and the ones before that were all absolutely terrible considering all of what Lex had done.

"Because my cousin's a mess, and I could imagine you too." he replied with a genuinely worried tone.

Lena took a deep breath. "That doesn't concern you."

"It kind of does." Superman then said, looking at her rather apologetic. "I feel like if your brother and I… if we didn't take the paths we took, or perhaps if we never met, then maybe you and Kara wouldn't be suffering as much." he went on to say.

"That's… that's honestly more of an apology than I'll ever get from my brother." Lena truthfully replied not knowing what else to say.

"I just figured, if Kara was torn up about this, then so would you. Kara didn't have to live through what I went through with Lex having grown up with the Danvers, but you did. Before she decided to let you know, she came and talked to me, not to ask my permission for anything but to essentially – and in the most polite way possible – tell me to buzz off. She was going to tell you no matter what and I should deal with it. The truth about her, and how she felt about you. I figured if she was concerned about the history your brother and I have, then so will you. Perhaps, you even more."

"And you're here to tell me…?" Lena asked him, still wanting to know what the core purpose of this visit was.

"I don't know the extent of what you feel for Kara, I can't assume to know anything. But I do know you care about her. I just want to make sure whatever you decide, you make a decision from your heart and not from the baggage that shouldn't be yours to carry." Superman replied. "Close to a month ago, the world was in peril. Multiple earths to be exact. Kara, she… she was almost certainly going to die if she attempted to do what she needed to so to save the world. With that knowledge, she did it anyways. She defied destiny itself in her selflessness because… What kind of world would she live in? What kind of world would she leave behind for the people she loved, if she doesn't know how to make the sacrifice? She defied destiny because that's just who Kara is. She believes that you don't like the options, you can write your own destiny. So I guess, I guess the reason why I'm here is because I want you to know and understand that too. Defy destiny Lena Luthor, create your own. No matter what it is that happens next between you and Kara, let it live in the light of your own."

Lena smiled and nodded, she understood what he was saying.

That it wasn't his place to know or find out first about how she felt for Kara, but that no matter what, she shouldn't let the past that had nothing to with them directly influence the course of their lives.

That whatever happens next, it happens between just Lena and just Kara.

"Thank you." Lena found herself saying, suppressing a sob that was threatening to break free. She wasn't going to cry in front of Superman, no. She wasn't going to let herself be vulnerable in front of him.

But his visit did help clear the cobwebs and the storm that had been brewing deep inside of her, allowing her to listen to her heart.

Who knew opening some of her boxes could make feel free for once in her life?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, this fic is finishing! Sorry for the delays, I wanted to finish it by xmas but that didn't pan out. I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless. Up next, the heartwarming conclusion to our story! :D That said, I'll have chapter 10 up around Wednesday if not Thursday!


	10. All Kara Wants for Christmas...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, final chapter it is! Thank you for everyone who has supported this short fic. In need of more Supercorp? Haven't read my OG Supercorp fic? Come check out 'Will You Be My Savior?' after this one! If you have, thank you for continuously supporting my work and I hope you enjoy this finale!

In reality, it's only been a week. To Kara, it felt like infinite lifetimes had gone and passed her by.

Inside, she felt like she was being torn apart. There was a persistent ache in her chest, throbbing with every beat of her heart. An ache that grew whenever she thought of Lena, whenever she missed her, or heard her name mentioned somewhere.

In a way, not seeing her for that span of time were both a blessing and a curse.

Not seeing her was pure torture. Every fiber of her body craved to see her, even just a glimpse of her. At the same time Kara knew that even just a glimpse of her would be too much. Because knowing that she's within her grasp, that she could almost feel her presence, touch her, bask in the warmth of her hugs, would be beyond the unimaginable pain that had made a permanent home in her chest.

The week had gone by relatively mute. The world found some peace and barely needed saving, James had stopped bickering with Lena, who had been working from either her home or L-Corp. Thankfully, James had also stopped pestering her about Lena, simply stating it was truly over between them when the two ended up taking the same elevator ride up to their offices a few days ago. It made Kara feel like she most definitely had hit a full stop at life. What had her so conflicted was over, granting her a sense of relief to no longer be caught in between. However, a different conflict had taken root, one that was rather too unnerving with the new found silence that had surrounded her.

Even their news topics had gone from exciting to mundane. It had been like the world had stood still, taken a pause from turning. Time both moved painstakingly slow – making Kara agonize every second that she had wherein she couldn't take her mind off from Lena – and fast at the same time – making Kara realize that her wish to see Lena would become an inevitability with the upcoming holiday party at CatCo on Christmas Eve.

The night of the incident, Kara locked herself in her apartment all alone. Alex sounded deeply concerned, threatening to break her door down if she didn't let her in, but Kara wanted to be by her lonesome. She wanted to let it all out, break and fall apart and not have to talk. She didn't want human company, she didn't want Alex's company to pull her together and hold her. A dam had broken and she wanted to feel every bit of emotion that came pouring out. She didn't want to think or talk about it, just cry herself to sleep. And she did, hoping it could help her let the feeling pass. Only, the next day, it left her hollow. She felt like she was only go through the motions of life, feeling so empty.

She was prepared for a possible rejection of her feelings from Lena, she didn't put that much stock in it. But she wasn't prepared of losing her completely. Lena's voice haunted her, the pain in it as she threw her out with simply her words. Those words that stung as she heard them leave Lena's lips, words that stung as they echoed through her mind.

And Kara had to admit, she never hated being Supergirl as much as she did in that moment.

But truth be told, she hated who she had been as Supergirl more than just the notion of it. The part of her that jumped to the irrational conclusions she made that had caused the rift between her and Lena in the first place. The one that caused the distrust, the one that shed doubt to her reasons for keeping her secrets.

The next few days were still rough. Brainy kept rambling on about boxes, Nia kept checking on her with a concerned tone, even J'onn dropped by asking if she wanted to talk. The second day, however, was made more bearable by Kara as she fixed her mistake of leaving people out and asking Alex to just hold her that night. She cried a bit more as Kara learned that heartbreak was much more difficult than heartache,

The third night she was able to talk about things with Alex, and it made her feel somewhat better. Alex reminded her that Lena needed time right now. That perhaps things would change, perhaps not so much, but her sister knew that if there was anything about Lena Luthor that she knew, it was that she cared about Kara more than anything else in the world. That she was the one person she would move mountains for.

The fourth night, and all that had followed since then, was mostly spent distracting Kara from anything Lena-related.

But today, she had no choice, no way of avoiding it.

That didn't stop Kara from trying, however, to avoid it as much as she can. Because even if Lena has found the strength to put things behind her, come to CatCo with a cool, calm demeanor and see her or be within her close proximity, Kara most certainly could not.

Her heart would give out at the very moment that Lena tried to avoid her, should it dreadfully come.

That's why Kara was proactive about things.

She kept mostly to herself, exchanging smiles and brief greetings with whoever ends up temporarily joining her at the balcony for some air. But mostly, it was just her. She watched the party through the floor-to-ceiling glass paned walls that separated her from her colleagues, nursing a cup of punch in her hand for most of the party. The longest conversation she's had was with Nia, who checked on her, brought her a plate of food from inside, and a fresh cup of punch.

Lena made her rounds inside, her usual self, chatting with all her employees, wishing them well for the holidays. Kara would steal glances through the glass, just to get an idea of where she was at the party, but for the most part she cast her eyes over National City, trying to ignore the irresistible pull that Lena just happen to have with her, and did her best to remind her of what life was like without Lena Luthor.

There was a time before she knew the CEO, after all, that she existed without her just fine.

There was a time when Kara's heart did skip a beat as soon as she hear the clicking sound of her heels, as she arrived on the floor, just like it did that day.

There was a time when Kara's didn't feel giddy, before feeling her heart drop to the pit of her stomach at the excitement that Lena was finally here and then realizing that she probably didn't want to see Kara.

There was a time when Kara was mesmerized by the holiday seasons, when she was excited and happy and felt the same kind of buzz running through every citizen of National City at that moment.

There was a time before Lena and was fine then.

But this time that felt like the time  _after_  Lena, it was killing her inside.

She didn't like this time.

Because even if she knew she could exist without her as she did before, she knew that something was missing, a certain something that she just didn't want to live without. Perhaps it was true what they say after all, ignorance was bliss.

Kara took a deep breath and sighed. She would fly away at this very moment if she could, but she couldn't. She focused, instead, on the possible wrath of Alex if she ended up her identity to the world just because she needed to get away from the girl that stirred so many kinds of emotion from inside her.

Kara steadied herself and faced the room again after she heard the glass doors opening, out came Snapper talking a break from the festivities inside, and lighting his cigarette. He pretty much ignored Kara, glancing only once at her, before keeping to himself. Their simple office party was filled with so much life inside that it made Kara consider braving the hurt with her fragile heart. She wanted to join her friends inside, enjoy the holiday spirit, if only she could find it within her again.

The spark of hope died, however, when she saw James and Lena talking jovially inside, whatever bitter feelings gone. They had left the past behind them.

Kara felt a twinge of jealousy, and she wasn't even sure what she was jealous of. The fact that they acted like friends again, or that Lena has forgiven James.

She huffed and turned her back from the party again. At this point it had become something sort of like a game for her. Find the longing to join the warmth and the festivities inside, find the courage to face Lena without being reduced to tears or rambling or giving a speech on why she should still have her in her life because she terribly missed her, or stay outside like an idiot because the fear of Lena looking right past her as if she didn't even exists paralyzed her and had turned her feet and legs into lead.

So far the 'idiot' camp was winning because she just couldn't risk falling apart should Lena ignore her.

Snapper soon left, the sun setting outside, her colleagues also dwindling in numbers inside. Kara had been left alone with her maddening thoughts of what to do next, how to approach the situation, and just Lena in general.

"I feel like a horrible person, not realizing it sooner that something was wrong with you. I though you're still mad at me, I'm sorry." she heard James break the silence that surrounded her, bring her a slice of the cake they had as dessert inside. "I mean, Kara Danvers not excited about the spread we have inside? That just doesn't add up."

"Thanks." Kara simply replied, accepting the cake. "I'm still upset but I'm not holding your mistake over your head anymore."

"Is it because I've come bearing gifts this time?" James replied, relief evident in his tone. "You were very dismissive in the elevator a couple of days ago."

"That… that was something else." Kara gave as an honest answer.

James simply nodded. "She knows, right? That's what's causing this distress?"

"H-how…?" Kara looked at him surprised. No, James didn't know. At least she was pretty sure that Brainy and Alex didn't tell him about the whole incident. She didn't think Lena would tell him but at the moment, Kara really didn't know if that was a possibility.

"She didn't say anything." James then said, almost like he was reading Kara's mind. In a way, Kara missed this James. The one who was her friend and not the annoying boyfriend to her best friend that he was. "But she's been a little off." he then admitted to noticing. "I've… well, we've talked a few times at L-Corp the last few days, mostly about work. She, well, clearly she's been avoiding coming here for a reason and I couldn't figure it out until she asked me –  _me_ of all people, Kara – how you were doing. That, and well, she's been a little off with everyone inside, and you're moping here outside… my guess is a fight. And the only fight that could cause such a big rift between the two of you that I could think of is a fight that results from the fallout about knowing your secret."

Kara nodded, rather impressed at James' deduction as she processed the fact that Lena asked about her, trying to dissect if it meant anything.

"She did, she found out during the attack at L-Corp." Kara admitted thoughtfully, doing her best to not let James onto just how torn up she was about it.

"She'll come around, Kara." James said knowingly.

"That's… it's more complicated than what you think." Kara replied, trying to figure out if James should even know what else she had let Lena know that day. She very much wanted him to just be James, her friend, right now because she wanted his insight on how Lena would deal with the other thing. James dated her, after all, and after Kara, he was the closest person to Lena, differences aside.

Because Kara was desperately wanting to know she could still salvage her relationship with Lena, some way, somehow.

"Kara, I know it's a big secret to handle for her, with everything that –" James started to say but Kara cut him short.

"That's not it." Kara said, her tone almost rising a bit. "James, this… it's not going to be easy to say this, but I want you to know that I respect you and I wanted you to know from me, this… this whole thing that's got me worried too, about Lena…"

"Kara, you know you can tell me anything, right?" James replied.

And Kara, not wanting to keep all the feelings she had been experiencing to herself any longer, just had to let it all out. "I love her, James."

"Kara, I know." James said with a chuckle.

But Kara felt like he missed the point. "No, no, you're not hearing me. I love her. I'm in love with her. Love her in a way that I really just want to swoop her off her feet and… and… kiss her, even, if she would let me…"

"Oh…" James then replied, blinking fast quite a few times as he tried to process the information. "Like you… you… and I was an absolutely horrible idiot who just put you through hell with… Oh, Kara, I… I'm sorry. I…"

"You're… you're sorry?" Kara turned to him confused.

"There used to be a time I could read you, Kara Danvers, and I was the friend you needed me to be. I'm sorry, the whole thing with Lena, our fights… it must've been hard on you. Harder than I could've imagined."

"W-what?"

"Lena and I, I know now we're not meant for each other." James then said. "Don't get me wrong, this, the whole thing, it's a little surprising and I'll need some time to process it. I've never had an ex-almost-something fall in love with an ex-girlfriend, you know?"

Kara simply nodded to that.

"But you are my friend, Kara. And you're suffering right now. If you're worried about how Lena would react, don't be. She'll come around too, I know. To be honest, in our entire relationship I was probably more jealous of you than I care to admit. She brightens up when she sees you, not me Kara. You have an effect on her that I couldn't even compete with. So maybe, maybe one day you'll see, that the best man might turn out to be the best woman for her." James went on to say with genuine support.

Kara smiled. For the first time in the last week or so, she actually smiled thanks to the sentiments James had shared about things.

She felt James place a reassuring hand around her, "And you'll never know what miracle awaits you just around the corner, so keep the hope alive Kara." he then said, nodding towards the office. Kara looked up, and through the glass caught Lena Luthor sneaking a glance at her direction, before quickly turning her attention to Eve. Her expression was unreadable but there was a sense of longing in her look. Kara wasn't entirely sure, but there was most definitely something in it.

Something that moved her.

Something that called out to her and dared her to make a move.

"If you need me, I'm here." James then said before walking away, giving a reassuring pat on her back. "It's the least I can do."

Kara simply nodded, being left alone once more with her thoughts.

She managed to escape Lena on her way down, still busy giving Eve with last minute instructions. The fog webs were clearing in her mind. The fear was still there, lingering behind, but it was being heavily suppressed by the look that Lena had from the stolen glance Kara had caught from her.

There was no trace of animosity from it, no hurt, no anger, and no pain. Maybe a little hurt and pain. But there something with the way her breath had hitched, there was something in the way she quickly looked away like she had been caught red-handed. A something that was enough to make Kara fight off the dark clouds that hung around her. A something that made her believe that a week was enough to wait.

She gave Lena her time.

Now was when she needed to stop wallowing in her sorrows.

She had her time too.

No was the time to show Lena that she would fight for her no matter what.

That's why the first thing that Kara did when she got home was change into her suit and take to the skies.

She couldn't do this just as Kara Danvers.

And she's doing this just as Supergirl as well.

She was doing this as Kara Zor-El, fighting for Lena Luthor with everything that she was.

With everything made who she was.

Just to drive home the point that she loved her in all the ways that mattered, with everything that made her who she was.

Kara passed by L-Corp on her way to Lena's penthouse. Thanks to her quick reflexes, she saw the ridiculously decorated office that was Lena's – Eve did say that with Lena absentmindedly going about her business, she managed to convince her to decorate it for her – and noticed the lights still on.

Lena was, as always, still working to the last minute, quite possibly focused on what Kara could tell was reconstructions around L-Corp plaza. She didn't look too bothered by the random assortment of Christmas lights, tiny Christmas tree, and stockings hung around her office at all, which was weird. Kara figured that maybe she just didn't care enough at the moment, maybe there were more pressing matters on her mind.

Lost in her amusement, she didn't even notice she was moving closer to the building, landing on the balcony with a soft thud.

Kara could feel her heart beating loudly, threatening to jump out of her chest yet again. She hadn't been in this close of a proximity with Lena for a good while. Now, only the bullet-proof glass that lined her office was what separated her from Kara.

She was just about to tap on the glass when Lena noticed her silhouette, immediately turning to see her outside.

Lena was quick to hide her surprise, getting up from her desk, her hands smoothening her skirt as she walked towards the door to the balcony. "It's cold outside." she noted nodding for Kara to step in.

In truth, Kara wasn't really bothered by the cold. She was, after all, impervious to heat and the cold. She wondered for a second or two if Lena even realized that as silence fell between the two of them.

They were at a standstill, neither one knowing what to say first, not sure who should be the one to break the silence. Lena held Kara's gaze with an unreadable expression that made Kara even more uncertain with what to do. But Lena had let her in, that was step in the right direction.

So, with a deep breath and a new found resolve, she decided to speak first.

"I miss you." she started. "And I know it's not going to be easy with everything that just came to light. I know that. I also know that you deserve someone who loves, even if it's not me, and when the day comes, I'll deal with that. And I also know that I have long ways to go before you fully forgive me... But  _Rao_ , I miss you. I miss you so much and I just wish that things go back to the way it was. That we could find our way to being friends again because Lena Luthor, I need you in my life." she went to say, keeping it simple.

It would be a bitter pill to swallow when the day comes Lena loves again. But she'll deal, she knew she'll have too.

Because what Kara said was plain and simple truth. She needed Lena in her life.

In whatever way, shape, or form possible, she needed her.

But her heartfelt pleas seemed to have fallen on deaf ears as Lena shook her head. The look in her glassy eyes softened, sending Kara's heart atrophy.

Perhaps Lena had forgiven her. Perhaps she's getting there.

But it looks like she can't regain what she had lost.

"We've never been friends, Kara." she replied, with a gentle tone. It was evident she was being as careful as possible.

And Kara figured it was because somewhere deep down inside she didn't want to hurt her.

Kara mustered all her strength to put her best brave face on. The world felt like it was spinning, the spark of hope in her heart from their earlier brief interaction of sort already flickering as she realized the possibility that she may have mixed her signals.

"I understand that now." Lena went on to say. "We've never really been friends." she repeated, as Kara looked away.

She couldn't… she was bracing herself for getting her heart broken once again – although this time it felt more like it would be shattered beyond repair – but try as she might prepare for the worst, she knew she could never look Lena in the eyes as she receives the news.

But the worst never came.

She felt Lena's soft hands take hers in her own. Kara's gaze shifted from the floor to their fingers as Lena slowly interlaced them. Stealing a quick glance, she saw Lena looking at them deep at thought.

"We've always been something more, Kara, I know that now." Lena said softly.

And the world stopped spinning.

To Kara, it felt like everything had stopped and started, all at the same time. Like she finally stopped breathing but at the same time, with the very next breath she took she knew she was alive again.

It was said too softly, in a gentle whisper, that even with her Kryptonian hearing Kara wanted to make sure she wasn't imagining things. She wanted to ask Lena to repeat what she said but before she could say anything at all Lena went on.

"I've had the time to think..." she said with a certain kind of resolve – confident and strong yet in that gentle voice she always used around Kara.

She smiled as she looked up to meet Kara's gaze, "I've had time to think, and the presence of your absence in my life is just too much to bear that I could never really truly even try to let that happen. And I can't go back. I don't want to move back, I want to move forward. I know I'm not perfect, and I'll never be a hero, and I know that you and I would always butt heads on certain issues because of who we are and how we view things… we'll have discussions, and I'll be stubborn, and you'll be too proud to lose some of the arguments, and nothing will be perfect. It makes me so afraid to take this risk because of all of it – and let's not forget that I absolutely have no idea what I'm doing here, for once in my life – but maybe that's why this thing with us, this thing we both fought to ignore, maybe that's why it might be the best thing to come out of our long shared history… of being a Super and a Luthor…"

"Lena…" Kara started to say, holding Lena's hands in hers and pulling her closer. Lena found her hands trailing up her arms as she moved closer, resting just above the crest that Kara wore proudly as Supergirl, her eyes cast down on where they were.

"And maybe that's why even with the past we've inherited, a past we didn't even create, we can have a blank page for tomorrow that we could fill together… write our own story." Lena concluded before pressing her forehead on Kara's. "Because the truth of the matter is that I do, Kara. I do love you too. I love you in a way I've never loved anyone and it terrifies me because I'm afraid that one day you won't be there to catch me when I fall."

"That will never happen." Kara reassured her.

Lena nodded simply nodded. Before she could even say anything else, Kara closed the remaining distance between them and pressed her lips against Lena's, giving her a soft gentle kiss.

A soft gentle kiss that quickly melted into one with great need and desire.

As they pulled away for air, Kara found herself giggling. "What?" Lena pressed on, wondering about the source of the carefree smile and laughter.

"Nothing, just, this is probably the best Christmas I've ever had." Kara admitted.

"I'd have to admit to the same thing." Lena replied. "Although I do believe that everyone I've spent with you just seems to keep getting better."

"But this is the absolute best one." Kara then argued with a chuckle.

"How so?" Lena asked.

"Because this year, we made what people think would be impossible. A Super and a Luthor falling in love." Kara replied. "I'd say it's a Christmas miracle."

Lena laughed and shook her head. "Oh, I've missed you so much Kara. I truly do. And I do, I love you."

Kara simply smiled in response, no words could fully capture the moment.

It didn't start out this way. A few weeks ago, everything felt like they were going in a downward spiral.

But perhaps, it's also true what they say. It's always darkest before the dawn.

And this Christmas, Kara found the most perfect gift to face the new days ahead of her.

A gift she'll always be thankful for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's about it guys, hope you enjoyed! I still have one fic I'm working on, but that's a Bechloe one. I might take a hiatus after that, we'll see. Glad you enjoyed the ride though. And thanks to all your wonderful comments and continuous support. This is the HypersomniacGrad signing off.


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